You were right. It hurts to walk today.
love makes seman taste better
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
