Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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