trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
