I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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