i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
