He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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