this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
