I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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