I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
