i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
