someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
