FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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