I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
