please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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