Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
