I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
