She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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