any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
