Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
