I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
