The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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