oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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