umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
