i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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