proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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