I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
