Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
