Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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