Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
