and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
