for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
