I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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