So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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