Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
