Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize