I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
