No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
