it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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