he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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