Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
