I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
