I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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