I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
