Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
