Who wears a wallet chain?!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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