He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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