Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
