Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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