I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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