So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
