Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
