Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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