8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
