Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the condom got lost in my hair
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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