Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I need to stop coming to work sober
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
