I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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