got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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