i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
