you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize