ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
