I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
