i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
