If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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