hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
