It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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