You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
That's intense
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
