Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Its about making memories worth repressing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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