Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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