So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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