They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
