Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
