May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize