There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
