It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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