Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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