let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize