Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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